Immigration Forum / USA Marriage Base / April 2006

Hi Alfie,

I remember your name around the forum.  My deepest sympathy for
your loss.

Rene

I'd like to thank everyone for their condolences and good thoughts. Kathy
was sick for the last seven months of her life. She had breast cancer 13
years ago and in August of last year it metastsized to her thoracic spine.
The tumor covered three vertebrae and compressed the spinal cord. Within
days of it reappearing Kathy was unable to walk and was bedridden from the
beginning of September.

We were informed that it was terminal and after radiation treatment nothing
more could be done. She suffered a lot of pain and discomfort, but was put
on massive doses of drugs and in the end she died peacefully in a local
nursing home. All her family was with her at the end. There was I, her three
kids (two girls and a boy) and her sister. We held her hands as she left us.

The funeral was special.  It may seem like a contradiction in terms, but I
know that Kathy would have loved it. She always enjoyed the BIG occasion. I
found one of the very few Scottish bagpipe players in the state of Georgia
and had him play Amazing Grace as Kathy was carried from the hearse to the
church and from the church to the graveside.

I have to tell a story to explain why I did that. When I first made up my
mind to propose to Kathy, we were in England, she had no idea of my
intentions at the time. I thought it would be more romantic to take her on a
trip to Scotland and pop the question there. So I booked bed and breakfast
in Hundalee House, an old country house near Jedburgh, and asked Kathy if
she would like to take ride. She agreed and we filled the tank and set out.

If you take the A1 road north to Scotland, when you get to the Scottish
border, there is a huge rock standing at the side of the road. Chiseled into
the rock is the one word, SCOTLAND. Kathy wanted her picture taking here, so
I stopped the car and we prepared to get out and take pictures. I knew what
was going to happen within minutes of us leaving the vehicle and was
mentally prepared for it, because I had passed this way before. However,
Kathy had no idea.

We stepped from the car onto the pink heather covered hillside and
approached the massive rock. Suddenly, on a hillside on the other side of
the road, a lone piper appeared. He was clad in kilt and the full Scottish
tartan, and he began to play Amazing Grace. It is one of the most emotional
experiences you can imagine. I knew it was coming, but still the hairs on
the back of my neck bristled and stood erect. I turned and looked at Kathy,
big old tears welled up in her eyes and she began to cry, deep sobs wracked
her body and she walked over and clung to me. "Alfie that is the most
beautiful thing I ever experienced. Thank you for bringing me here. It's
wonderful."

We never forgot that day and talked of it often. We would relive the moment
and each time, Kathy would again shed tears of emotion when she thought back
to that day. Because of this, I thought it was the right thing to do for
Kathy when the end finally came.

I wrote a eulogy for her too. But, I realized that in the emotion charged
atmosphere of the church, I would never be able to get through reading it
without breaking down. So I recorded it on a CD and they played over the
church sound system. It went down very well, I have already had to make six
copies of it for people who were so touched by the thoughts expressed in it
and thought is such an emotional piece that they wanted copies of their own
to keep. Like I said earlier, Kathy loved the big occasion; she deserved it
and would have loved it. When I have more time, I'll tell the story of the
actual proposal. I think you may enjoy it.

I thought I would have to wait for the five years for citizenship, but just
wanted confirmation from one of the experts. I've done one year as an LPR so
have four more to go. I guess I can forget about USCIS for a while, eh?

Hi Maggie - How are things going for you now? I feel as though we are
classmates, we went through the London thing about the same time, and so did
Cindyabs. Where is she now? I don't see any recent postings from her.  I do
have an account on BE, but for the life of me I can't recall my user name or
password. Been so much water pass under the bridge since I was last on
there. I'll come on sometime today and try to logon again.

Alfie..